Because the Rules Are For Breaking

“Wait, is that even legal??”

This was a question posed over and over again by the drunken out-of-towners behind me at Rob’s last wrestling show. I refrained from answering, both because I’m not the type to randomly engage strangers in conversation and because I. DON’T. KNOW.

Wrestling has become my boyfriend’s new baseball in the sense that at any moment he can spout off an untold number of statistics, references, and names that I’ve never heard of. Our future children’s bedtime stories will probably be blow by blow descriptions of matches that happened more than a decade previously. While I’m always willing to listen, when it comes to actually remembering these many details I have hence taken the approach of asking myself “does this matter to me.”

Statistics are easy because as a dyslexic who can barely memorize her own address, I immediately mark them as information I will not be retaining and move on. Names are more challenging because while I like some of the story aspects of current (and maybe some former, undecided) wrestlers and am happy to keep a loose grasp of who’s who in memory, I tend to mix up names. I confuse Braun Strowman and Brock Lesnar so often my boyfriend has had to resort to calling them “BB” and “Beard” so I can keep them straight.

But I still can’t decide whether or not I really need to know and understand the rules of wrestling.

Hear me out here. First of all, my understanding of the rules doesn’t change the fact that whether someone wins or loses seems to be 100% determined by the ref. This isn’t football where there’s a booth where someone’s reviewing key ref decisions in those final moments. The referee doesn’t see that your shoulder wasn’t fully on the mat? Doesn’t matter, you’re still out. 

I don’t even really have a problem with this piece of it. I think it allows other spectators to get more invested (remind me someday to tell you a story about my brother and soccer, and how this ties in with my views on wrestling). Also, they can do some really fun storytelling around it. Even without much background on Baron Corbin or current storylines (basically knowing just that he seems to be a dick), I CACKLED watching this match because the ref (whom Baron Corbin has apparently wronged in the past) purposely just turns away and messes with the ring so everyone can beat the crap out of Corbin. That’s fun/funny stuff. 

Kendo sticks are being illegally used FAR too often

The second thing to consider is that the rules of wrestling vary by match. I *think* there are some standard rules, but then sometimes they shout things like “Texas tornado!” or “last man standing” or “steel cage” or “viagra on a pole” and that completely changes what’s legal.

The third and probably most important thing, is that what matters more to me is not so much whether Rob wins or loses, but how beat up he’s getting. In theory, knowing the match rules and whether or not someone is allowed to say hit him with a chair would matter.

But here’s the biggest part of the dilemma - DOES it actually matter when half the time the heels go rogue, take advantage of the ref looking away or the match being over, and BEAT THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF HIM ANYWAYS?!

I do think the rules matter, but not necessarily to me. If anything, they’re more useful for identifying heels versus faces. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Come back next time for another fun journey into wrestling terms and what makes a good guy!